The clerk had checked us out dozens of times before, so she was unaffected and unsurprised when the groceries kept comin’ and comin’. She recognized me, even without the kids in tow.
But the man in line behind us was shocked and appalled and made no secret of it. “They must be spendin’ a fortune!”
Maybe he meant nothing by it. Maybe he didn’t know I could hear him. Maybe his mama never taught him any manners. I pretended not to hear him, no matter why he opened his mouth.
His wife came to what I interpreted was our defense, though I’m unsure whether or not she knew I could hear her, too. “Maybe they have a large family.”
Well, yeah.
Yes, I’m experiencing a heightened sensitivity level due to recent, enduring, and unresolved trauma. Such an audible observation of which I would be subject might not faze me in the least a week ago. I may have inwardly sighed and written the comment off as curiosity.
But I am sensitive right now, and I was offended. The resulting irritation may simply be an exaggerated over-compensation for any guilt the man’s comment may have incited in me–guilt which is unreasonable and unwarranted.
Why might I feel guilty?
Because stuffed and loaded in the stranger’s remark are several loosely related accusations that may be silently hurled at me from afar.
- We’re having a national food shortage. How can you go drop that kind of money on taquitos and fudge pudding when there are people all across America who are having trouble buying milk and bread?
- The world is over-populated. Why do you have so many kids?
- Nobody spends that much on groceries. Are you out of your mind?
…among others.
I have a conscientious objection to each and every one of these phantom accusations. I feel more than justified–I feel blessed to have Rocky, Priss, Bunny, Mo, & Squeak, blessed to have the responsibility to provide for them, blessed we can provide for them. I have not and will never apologize for bringing them into the world.
But I feel guilty when accused of anything, whether or not I’ve actually done anything wrong. And that guilt makes me defensive and angry. And ever since I heard Mr. Fortune in line at the grocery store, I’ve been upset about it.
And I’m upset that I’m upset.
Honestly, we were over budget, but not by much. Maybe 30% more, which was to be expected when we’ve gone so many days beyond the shopping day without replenishing staples and household supplies. We buy twice as much when Miner’s home, because that doubles the cooking requirement. And I never stop him from deviating from the list; he earns the paycheck, so I don’t complain.
So yes, we spent more than usual, but “usual” for us is always going to seem inflated compared to the “usual” for a family of four. Multiply the average monthly cost of food per person, and I’d say we do damned well to stretch a dollar. Better than damned well, even.
If Mr. Fortune ever read this and felt bad about what he said, I’d then feel bad about letting it get to me and ranting away about it. I would probably apologize profusely before explaining, “I’ve just had a really, really, really tough week. I’m sorry for losing my temper.”
Dear Provisions Dept.
I know how serious you were about this incident.
I had to laugh. I could picture small, petite you, dragging buggies of groceries, piled higher than you could see, only to have some delinquent comment add another load.
I am so proud of you. For all he knew you were buying for a homeless shelter. He did not know you could bring him to his knees in one movement. He did not know or the munchkins waiting at home for sustenance, or how long you’d eaten saimin, before payday.
Judge not, before walking in another’s moccasins…cliche’ (sp?) blend.
I am proud of you. You have stretched a nickel to make $.50 all your adult life. You learned a lot, Grasshopper, from Mom and Regina, and the women who have gone before you, add to this your own natural resourcefulness.
Hawaii had it’s challenges. I had $200 left each month after bills, for groceries, gas, necessities. I adored those Safeway coupons, though none were ever for chocolate honeymoons. We ate just fine and there was always a variety. One never knew what coupons would be coming out next. and the free ones! I still have the bag clip for chips from Safeway. A wonderful reminder of those times and pinching, and digging coins out from under the couch cushions.
That was the only time I have used coupons effectively. I hate coupons. For me they are a waste of energy. I’ve clipped and cluttered only to forget what I have. I am organized in so many ways, but this only frustrates me. Maybe the Safeway ones were effective, because they were in one little book and I could refer to them, when I made my shopping list. Who knows.
We’ve watched the bird pairs, bringing worms, bugs, and critters to their little ones. It will be quiet in the nest, then when the parent appears, a cachophany (sp?) of chirping results. So cute, so necessary for survival…of the chicks and the families.
You are blessed with each child, and may you be blessed in years to come with their love, affection, growth, and character, as I have been BLESSED by you!!!
You are wise, intelligent, talented, lovely, and have character beyond your years.
Ever, your favorite fan
Happy Mother’s Day!
MOM
YES, everything is magnified when one is in crisis. Things that you can usually brush off. Kids sense this, and are especially trying.
The kick’em when their down, syndrome, is a natural for ones closest to you.
Identify and purge the incidentals that pull at you. Everything going out, nothing coming in.
Find some enjoyment for yourself, each day. Plan that time for yourself, to take a bubble bath, sketch, write, eat chocolate honeymoons, sew, chant, look at the stars, hold a child in your lap (since you don’t have a cat)…excus’m moi, that is what one does when the kids are gone and there are no kids to hold…I digress.
List what you have accomplished this day, or check it off the list you have probably already made. What kinds of lists do you routinely make? or is it one mammoth list?
I do this religiously in good and bad times. It give me a sense of worth and shows progress. Then I can make a fresh list.
This was especially fun, when Juni asked to make a shopping list for himself. He drew little pictures. On it goes. Our little family traditions.
Gotta go make my list of things to do, while Cliffy is at work, this weekend. Then the grocery list for tom. The list for summer, the list for when the IRS check comes in. List of things to mail….Am I making a list of lists? I’ve gone too far!
Love ya!
Mom
Happy Mother’s Day, ‘Ailina. You are a mother I admire!
PS I understand your frustration over the man’s comment. I haven’t had similar comments, but most people groan or roll their eyes when they get behind me in line because of the overflowing cart…and I only have four kids!