Reconstructing Dad’s History: Checkpoint 1
Posted in Harold Laranang, Karate, Research on May 29th, 2008 No Comments »
Sudden influx of voices, corridors gaping open on every side of me, paths to answers that may quiet this internal stirring of my father’s ghost….
Still so many questions, and they heap one upon the other, packed down, compounding the agony of myriad voids.
One answer is some comfort. But the satisfaction is fleeting and temporal. One unknown laid to rest, and then another takes its place.
I’m contemplating creating a new site specifically for keeping record of my research into Dad’s past. Big Brother already suggested I move the bulk of my findings to the system website to keep Dad’s students abreast of whatever I may find. Many minds are better than a lonely, fledgling one. Besides–not everyone who would like to know what I’ve found necessarily cares to find themselves exposed to my personal messes; I don’t blame them at all.
Perhaps if I compartmentalize a bit, I may be able to focus my studies a little more. At times, I find myself entirely overwhelmed and lost, convincing myself I’ll never be able to organize all the facts into something comprehensible and meaningful, and then I begin to think I’m not cut out for the job, and then I begin to consider giving up. One-way ticket to failure.
As of late, I’ve felt morbidly ashamed of my gusto, just as I did in researching hula. I’m always afraid I may badger to death my kind resources, wear out my welcome, press and push until I’ve made a heel of myself to the very people I admire and revere.
Research, as with writing fiction, requires patience, pacing, thoroughness coupled with self-restraint.
It may be a long while before I hit another windfall of leads, but that may be a good thing. I’ve got to slow down and organize the information I’ve accumulated within the past week before I attempt to dig into anything else.
